


Alex's big book of...stories

by oddball



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Humor, M/M, Porn with some plot, Sexual Humor, Smut, i dont know what else to tag, plot with some porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddball/pseuds/oddball
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is back! And she's feeling great about herself! So great that she wants everyone to share her experience! So she decided to write a book! about what you ask? Well, Alex + Miragen + Alex is a smut-loving-advice giver.<br/>Put your imagination to good use (only for chapter one)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here's to new beginnings. Or not really.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dear Alex...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1370005) by [oddball](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddball/pseuds/oddball). 



> I'm back and so is Alex! I've been interning and what not but now I finally decided to put up this! inspired by my previous fic "Dear Alex" , this continues along those lines. However you don't really need to know a great deal of what happened in Dear Alex to enjoy this one.  
> But for the benefit of all my lovely readers, here's a gist of what happens in Dear Alex :-  
> Alex is bored and decides that she needs to be helpful to society to feel content. Therefore, she starts a sex-advice-website! (yes good Samaritan Alex) This website is frequented by our very own, generation of miracles, to help them solve some *cough*dirty*cough* problems! The story then is a tale of loads of smut based on Alex's advise. She leaves for the states in the end for a short while. Now she is back in business!  
> So if you have nothing to do and wouldn't mind reading some garble I churned up, please do read 'Dear Alex'  
> :)

"Kagami--kun I think you should really get that" Kuroko panted, draped on the bed alongside the sweaty and naked red haired boy who thwarted his words away with his palms. 

 "It's the 20th ring on the door bell already. What if someone is dying at our door step?" 

Kagami gawked "you counted while we were at it?! Kuroko!" 

Kuroko batted his humorless eyelids before coughing "Akashi--kun's company often makes you ...equipped" 

Kagami puffed "I knew this arrangement was too good to be true" 

Kuroko jabbed the red haired giant with his elbow as he groveled in pain 

 "Be grateful he decided not to go ahead with his plan to place a treat on your head and have Murasakibara -kun jump to earn it, while you passed out drunk at his house party" 

 "That I have Kise to thank for, who convinced Akashi that doing that would make you, his beloved Kurokocchi, a part future widower or some crap like that. Fuck you and your harem!" 

Kuroko pushed Kagami off the bed and stuffed his face into a pillow before he signaled a weak "go. I'm exhausted" 

Kagami heaved a sigh as he wrapped a towel around his waist, decked enough to answer the door. Lest it was Himuro. Then he would receive scolding on how to be more appropriate until he turned thirty. Kagami opened the door, to find nobody in particular. He tossed his head from side to side, until he heard a loud but unmistakable voice "Taiga Kagami! Do you realize how long you've made me wait out!! This is not what I taught you to be!"

Kagami's body jolted and sprung into defense as he saw a basketball coming flying towards his face. " Alex! I didn't know you were coming today! Why didn't you.. Ouch!"

Kagami's words were cut by Alex's resounding nudge to his plexus. Followed by what could resemble a glomp but filled with a emotion similar to 'pissed off'

"My Taiga has grown so big!" She wailed as she hugged him. She cocked her head to the side a little "even little Taiga is no longer that little anymore" 

Kagami looked at his towel, which was revealing a large gap, immediately fumbled at it earning a laugh from the blonde which caused him to go into a tirade of anger blabbering. 

"Kagami -kun why are you yelling so much.. Oh. Hello and welcome back Alex -San" Kuroko politely bowed before being lifted off the ground by Alex and smothered by her boobs 

"I missed you all so much!! I'm so happy to see you Kuroko! Not as much to see this lousy boy is who made a lady wait out for an hour!" 

Kuroko tsk-tsk-ed at Kagami,one which only Kagami could decipher, who in turn threw in a harrumph. 

"Please do come in Alex-San. Kagami -kun was never too bright on manners or anything for that matter. My lights tend to be the bulb varieties" 

Alex waltzed her way in. Eventually as Kagami got dressed and Alex stripped down to maintain some cosmic balance, the trio chatted about the miragen, their continuing relationships with basketball and each other and Alex's tryst with real estate and the concept of "rent" 

 

"How is the coaching going?" Kagami interrupted, because well, it's only fair and had very little to do with his inherent stupidity 

"That's going great! But I have another big surprise in store for the world and myself!" 

Kagami made a questionable face to which Kuroko lightly punched him. 

"I'm writing a book!" She galloped 

"That's... Actually normal. Good in fact. What's it about" Kagami asked intently

"I would love to tell you my dearest tiger but mommy needs to teach you a lesson in the art of surprise" 

Kagami grunted "Since when did you learn to talk like that?" 

"Since I realized I have to actually write my own books! Anyway, I've organized a private hearing for all of you before it goes on the shelves, because... You guys are so inspiring. In fact, this book is all about my experiences with you guys!" 

Kagami blushed and scratched his head, which was currently matching his face while Kuroko graciously stood up, bowed before Alex and said 

 "Thank you so much for your kind words Alex-San. We will surely be there to encourage you. And thank you, for being so inspirational yourself" 

 Alex squeezed a tear as she did squeezed Kuroko who slightly squealed 

 Kagami, still red, finally croaked "Yeah..umm. Thanks. We'll be there. And...whatever he said" 

 Alex smiled benevolently before pulling taiga into a mandatory kiss, to which he still flailed about. "Right then! See you all tomorrow! Ciao!" 

 "Kagami--kun, you really require a class on general social behavior by Akashi--kun. I think you and Aomine--kun should sincerely consider it" 

 Kagami made some incoherent sounds before he mumbled "kitchen...dinner.. Ah fuck this" 

 

\--- 

 

If there was one thing other than basketball skill and self proclaimed literary genius, that Alexandra Garcia possessed, was the ability to throw a party. Yes, the reading was less of a reading and more of a party, with an open bar, a snack bar and apparently an old ball pool labeled "make out corner"; it took the guests a while to remember that they were here to hear a book. 

"I'm soooo glad she's back! Now the onus of being the glamour element in Tokyo-kanagawa isn't only on me!" Kise squeaked as he walked in arm-in-arm with Aominecchi who looked somewhat constipated 

"Aomine--kun, please don't give Kagami--kun competition in looking the most miserable" 

Kurokocchi-a loud squeal was heard, identifying the speaker of the earlier sentence, not like Kise wouldn't be able to spot Kuroko even if he were hit in the head. 

 "Tetsu! Thank god you came! This blonde here was annoying the living daylight out of me with his fans flocking around him. Good. He'll drool over you for now" 

"Aomine--kun you have to stop encouraging that. Speaking of fans, I thought it's a close event?" 

"Yes it is Kurokocchi! But Alexcchi made another blog after she went to the states. About life and stuff. I follow it obviously. And she had a competition there where the top five get invited here. I didn't compete, because I would've won and it would waste a place since.." Kise's attempt at humility was thwarted by a  poke on his back by a not so sharp object. It was made by none other the weird shooting guard and point guard pair of Shutoku.

"Midorimacchi! What did you poke me.. Woah. Um.. Midorimacchi, is this your daily object thing or did Takaocchi complain he's unsatisfied?" Kise chuckled 

Midorima shuffled his spectacles with one hand while the others glanced at what Aomine declared to be a long but useless dildo (In Aomine's defense, it was like a joisting sword at some bizarre version of renaissance fair)

"It is not!" Midorima huffed 

 "Definitely phallic" "so phallic" Kuroko and Kagami chimed 

 "Aiye! I'm very content with Shin-chan and Shin-chan's" 

 "Takao!" Midorima exclaimed in horror 

 "Enough Atsushi, let's meet the others shall we" the man who rivaled Kise's looks said as a languid giant trailed along

 "Hi everyone. See, done? Now can I go back to the snacks bar?"

 Himuro nodded as Murasakibara sulked. Soon the Seirin team members gathered and so did a few other basketball nerds who Alex managed to ensnare. They began to seat themselves in the elaborate seating of chairs facing a podium when someone crooned

 "I told you the whole fucking entourage would be gang bangin here! Let's leave" 

 The miragen turned in a shudder, Aomine in a growl and Kise  viciously 

 "Who the fuck let this asshole in?" Aomine spat 

 "Me. I was invited by Himuro and I thought I'd drag this prick along so that he could meet you brats and apologize for being the prick that he is" 

 "Nijimura senpai! Haizaki is your plus one?! How?! No! Why?!" 

 Nijimura would've flicked Kise's forehead for squealing so loudly but he understood the blonde's concerns and only ruffled his hair 

 "Let's just say he's making amends"

 Kuroko and Kagami  frowned at the cornrows man and sat as Alex approached the podium 

 "Where his graciousness, self proclaimed almighty?" Haizaki barked 

 "Fuck you" Aomine retorted 

 "Akashi is never on time. It's his standard approach" Midorima said as he shot a text to the red haired male who replied saying he will be there soon.

 "Yeah always high and mighty. Fashionably late" 

 "Fuck you" Aomine said in a metronome

 "Ryouta your man's urges are leaning towards someone else" Haizaki smirked. Aomine almost stood up to punch him when Alex's voice could be heard 

 "Dear all. Thank you for showing up. It means a great deal to me, to see your support through your presence" 

 

"Everyone" Kuroko whispered for the ninth time before finally being heard "This is Alex-san's day. Let's not ruin the day for her by bickering and fighting. That means you too Haizaki-kun"

 Everyone silently agreed and as Haizaki was about to spew not-so-sweet-BS, Nijimura tightened his grip on Haizaki's collar causing him to cough "Yeah Kuroko, he's going to sit and enjoy the show alright"

 "I hear it's about us" Kise whispered to Kuroko who nodded an affirmative 

 Kise smiled as Takao joined "can't wait to hear sun being shone up a place Shin-chan loves exploring" 

 Midorima crab pressed Takao's neck in a attempt to silence him from making any more bedroom jokes. 

 "I'm a Spanish-born, raised in America. I was a basketball player. Some may say, a veteran in my times. But a disease cut my career shot... However, I decided not to lose hope and began teaching. And it is here I met these two wonderful boys- Taiga and Tatsuya. Through them I lived dreams I couldn't myself. They grew to be stars shining much more brighter than I ever could have shown. And most importantly, they led me to my fate here. It is here I met some of the most amazing people, some of who have inspired this book. I came here to realize I am meant to help people. Be it coaching or my websites"

 "Ahem!" Kagami coughed at the mention of the word website 

 "Don't be such a prude" Aomine yanked at his chain. Kagami jerked as he growled at Aomine, both concealing their blush. 

 "And so today, I decided, I would like to share with you the lessons these wonderful people have taught me" 

 Kise preened, Takao gleamed, even Kagami and Aomine grinned 

 "I dedicate this book to you gentlemen! Here it goes- what not to do..." Alex took a pause

 "In life" Kise guessed 

 "In basketball" Aomine and Kagami said in unison 

 "When your brother surpasses you " Himuro almost cried 

 "When you are beaten by fate" Midorima said. 

 "That's deep Mido -chin" Murasakibara yawned, not wanting to participate in this guessing.

 Haizaki desperately wanted to crack a 'that's what she said' joke, but Nijimura jabbed him hard enough to prevent that 

 "What not to do...in bed! Sex bloopers for the thirsty soul" 

 *eerie silence with intermediate super sonic screams from Kise's throat*

 Kise's eyes wept, Aomine's eyes froze, Kuroko stopped sipping his shake, Kagami's eyebrows split some more, Midorima and Takao's jaws reached the floor; what the? 

 "Kurokocchi.. It's inspired by us! Oh my goodness no! I have fans! I have a reputation!" Kise cried 

 "We have to stop this!" Kagami almost bolted when Kuroko stopped him

 "We cannot create a scene here. We have to talk to Alex-San in person" 

 Kuroko and Kagami quietly walked to the podium and whispered to Alex in the most panicked voice "Alex! What in the..?!"

 "Relax! I got it all covered. The names are changed. The situations are mostly fiction! I have it all controlled!" Alex winked 

 Kagami began to shiver as he walked back 

 "What did she say?" 

 "She said -relax! I got it all covered. The names are changed. The situations are mostly fiction! I have it all controlled!" Kuroko said ad verbatim and soullessly 

 "Chapter one! The only one who can nail me is me! It was a long night, and Jaomine was feeling the pangs of lust for his partner Rise, who was at work..." 

Aomine slapped his head on his palms and Kise squeaked "She's not even trying! Rise! Aominecchi let's bolt!" 

"We're here for Alex-san, aren't we? If we leave, it will be so rude! Don't be so horrible to someone who has been so successful in getting you two hotter in bed" A syrupy voice spoke as a hand clamped itself across Aomine's wrist. It had to be Imayoshi. 

 "I fucking wish the next chapter is about you and Hanamiya playing lewd evil sex games with a spider!" Aomine shrieked as Imayoshi continued to yank on his hand.

 "Oh, we'll see when it comes to that. But I so want to hear where the generations of miracles finally messed up" Imayoshi grinned "You guys are lucky, there are only five outsiders, so to speak off. We'll be the only ones privy to this inflammatory book. Don't be so difficult Aomine, relax and enjoy the ride. This will definitely be an enjoyable Sunday"

  


	2. The only who can!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex begins to illustrate the glorious stories she has shoved into her ludicrous book. First up, lessons from the ridiculously good looking yet stupid pair.

"It was a long night and Jaomine was feeling the pangs of lust for his partner Rise, who was at work. He tried to use the mobile to his advantage, clicking provocative pictures of himself and flooding his partner's inbox with pictures definitely not safe for work. Beaten by coldness of the phone and his partner's not so frequent reply, Jaomine almost gave up until he received a reply that churned his insides into a veritable urn of burning desire "I want you Jaominecchi. Once I'm done with work, I want you to be done with me like never before"

Jaomine sprang to his feet, his body heating up in anticipation, but also worried about not letting his partner down. He couldn't have gone with regular today, no. He needed to whip out the special guns (pun intended) but what could he do that didn't involve ~~basket~~ baseball?! He decided he needed to consult someone whose expertise lies in that field.

He came to me.

I with all the tenderness in my heart, moved by his lust for his partner, advised him on how to make matters more dramatic. His partner, he said, was an actor, who loved to play roles of various kinds. I advised him to translate this ambition of his, into other areas as well. Jaomine was thrilled at the thought and even conjured an elaborate plot for their "playtime", but little they know that clothes can seldom hide the inner self and sometimes it's best not to venture OUT to experiment.

Jaomine dressed up as a policeman, all lean and sexy, looking irresistible in a uniform. He borrowed a friend's car to complete his look. As he drove down, several women gaped at his oozing sex appeal, only adding to Jaomine's already bursting self-confidence. He looked into the front mirror as he murmured to himself "it's show time"    

Rise has just finished his shoot and was stepping out of his studio, when he saw a familiar silhouette, whose face was cloaked by a police-cap.

"Hey you!" the silhouette said

Rise noticed in the dimness of the skewed light of the street lamps, that the figure adorned a uniform of a man in the law and order sector. His heart froze for a moment, he wasn't in trouble was he?

"Am I in any trouble officer?" Rise said feebly, as he felt himself walking back as the larger figure walked towards him. Rise held on to the street lamp-post tightly as he felt the figure pushing closer and closer and gulped a ball of his own spit before he saw the figure's face. He gasped

"Jaominec.." and before Rise could complete his word, his lips were clamped shut with the abrasive but passionate lips of the officer whose hands had clasped around the actor's wrist. They separated as the breathless actor spoke in a cheeky smile

"Am I in trouble, officer? "

Jaomine smirked as he brushed his chaffed lips against Rise's neck and whispered into his ear

"You are under arrest for creating a riot in a certain part of me"

He grabbed Rise by his shirt and brought him to the back of the car.

"Hand behind your back where I can see them" he instructed as the actor complied with no resistance whatsoever. Jaomine took the actors hands, locked one palm in his own and the other wrist in one handcuff, while gyrating his groin area against the actor's rear, causing the actor to clench the palm entwined in another palm while letting out a soft moan. Jaomine turned him around and roughed him into the car. He tossed the actor inside the car before sprawling over him like a menacing shroud. He took the actor's hand above his blonde, ridiculously handsome and almost perfect head, before seizing the handcuff shut around the top handle of the car.

"Now for your punishment..." Jaomine said lustily, as he proceeded to tear open the actor's shirt to reveal a chiseled toned body, on which Jaomine was gliding his tongue over while pressing their lower bodies in a rhythm; the friction of the clothes setting the actor into a frenzy.

"Jao..mine..c" Rise attempted to cry out in the middle of his euphoria when he was interrupted again by a hungry kiss that bit into his freshly cleansed lips, a taste which Jaomine cherished more than the prettied one post his shoots. He dug his teeth like an animal ravaging into his prey, just enough to cause Rise to bleed, but not enough to make him throw Jaomine off him, by reflex. Both paused for a moment after Rise screamed a little in a tone mixed with pain and pleasure. He glanced at his partner who was licking the taste of his skin on his lips. He pulled Jaomine towards him with the one free hand and said "More..." Jaomine's heart and well, other things, lurched into a mania, but he decided he would do all that he had planned. He pushed the actor back into the seat and instructed him to not move. He launched himself up and buttoned up a little before heading to retrieve "something" from the trunk of the car.

Rise gradually dabbed his fingers over his bleeding lip, catching a breath, dizzy in the euphoric frenzy to which he was subjected minutes ago. He heard a slight knock near the window, where he saw Jaomine's face, smirking. Rise smiled as he blew a humid breath on the window, writing timidly on the vapours formed on the glass backwards 'help'. They chuckled as Jaomine mouthed that he'd be right back with more. Rise's heart was beating rapidly, his body unsettled when he saw the silhouette of another figure near the door. He played along, pretending to be a little scared, "I didn't do anything" he seemed to say. Suddenly Rise heard a loud scream.

"I told you mother! It's the super star Rise! He's bleeding, he's been tied to the car!!! Someone is kidnapping him and doing things!!! Mom! We have to help him! He looks like he's in pain!"

Rise couldn't hear too well but he heard a loud thump against the back of the car.

"Jaominecchi? What in the world was that... What are you doing to him!" Rise screamed as he saw a bunch of real cops arresting pretend cop Jaomine. He recklessly shook his handcuff to free himself and lurch out to see what was happening, when a door cracked open and a girl popped her hand inside.

"Rise-san, you'll be fine, we caught your abuser. He wont be able to hurt you anymore" she said with tears in her eyes.

"Abuser?" Rise cocked his head to a side.

"Officer! Please free him. Also take him to a hospital, he looks to be in shock" the girl hollered tearfully as a police officer moved in the car and broke the handcuff with a pair of pliers. He helped Rise out of the car, who was too confused to say anything.

"This is a mistake! I'm not an abuser! I'm his boyfriend! Oh for fucks sake, Rise! say something!" Jaomine screamed as his head was being shoved to the surface of the car.

"Hunh? What is happening here officer, why are you'll here? Why are you'll arresting him?" Rise asked utterly confused, with the crying girl clinging to his leg like a koala.

"This young lady saw you chained in this abandoned car, shirtless, with a bleeding lip and the word 'help' on the window. She quickly alerted us and we saw this man, posing as a cop with a gag in his hand  and immediately apprehended him. In our line of work, we see a lot of these crazy fans, who kidnap and abuse stars. Besides, he has the face of a psychotic predator" the cop explained as Jaomine lurched into a fresh set of screams

"What the fuck! I don't look like that! And this is a blindfold! Not a gag! Rise, stop laughing and tell them"

Rise had gone into a fit of maniacal laughter, causing the cop to look in confusion, Jaomine in irritation and the girl in complete dismay- her heartthrob was crazy!

"Officer, there's a huge misunderstanding. I can explain..."

"Now whatever explaining you do, it'll have to be at the station. We'll record both your statements and then see"

The officers dragged both Rise and Jaomine to the station despite their numerous protests and pleadings. After hearing their story, he asked for proof that they were indeed dating, for which a Bakagami and Gurogo were called in the middle of the night. They confirmed that these two were indeed a couple and that they were often found 'at-it' like rabid bunnies. The officer let them go, but slapped a warning - not to impersonate police officers and to Rise, to ask his partner to look less like a serial offender.

 

Moral of the story: anticipate situations going out of hand if you want to go wild.

 

\--

Alex paused as she concluded chapter one to the sounds of unending laughter and claps, with everyone falling off their chairs, eying Kise and Aomine, whose faces were redder than the big red circle on the japanese flag, while the rest of their body flailed in embarrassment like a flag in the fluttering wind.

"2 am! You idiots woke us up at 2 fucking am!" Kagami bellowed.

"Well, it would've been lesser if Kise hadn't spend two hours laughing instead of explaining!" Aomine jabbed Kise in the rib

"Can't blame him, you're the one with the face of an angel" Takao quipped, before bursting into a fit of cackles. Midorima tried to stop him, but ended up concealing his laughter with his giant item.

"Aomine-kun, tell me, did you threaten Kise to go out with you? Or does your face do the trick" Imayoshi seruptously asked.

"Kise is a glutton for punishment anyway"  Kasamatsu groaned as Kise squealed into a set of wails, interrupted with 'senpais' in the middle.

"Hey boys, you want an extra lucky item?" Takao teased before Alex announced the start of the new chapter

"chapter two-lucky I'm in love with my bae"

Takao's eyes drew into sharp slits and Midorima's face contorted into dozen spirals. Aomine smirked and retorted  "on second thought, hawk-eye, you two might just need this after this chapter is over"

\---

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooooo sorry I havent posted anything in ages! Sincere apologies! Way too many things happened in between and I lost complete touch! :( But now i'm back with another chapter finally! I know this doesn't make up for not posting in billion years but I will e more regular. I love all you readers and it's great to be back :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you'll enjoyed the first bit! more to come!


End file.
